For my family, Gotcha Day is one of deep celebration. Not only did my child escape the deep neglect and abuse that he had been experiencing his entire life, but our Gotcha Day signifies a day of love. As my husband and I traveled to Bulgaria to pick up our tiny three-year-old after adoption, we had our biological two year old and six month old strapped to our backs. Our little family had stepped out in faith, following a calling that many said was crazy, and, as we traversed a foreign country with “3 under 3”, we knew that day was one to celebrate. Our new son finally had a family, love, adequate food and water, and the medical care that he would need. He would no longer be ignored, and he would no longer be stuck within the walls of a crib for the majority of the day. Within a minute’s change, he instantly had the opportunity to learn to love, to care, to walk, to talk, to chew food – things that I can guarantee you I took for granted before that day. That day also signified a day of growth for our other children – they now had another brother who will end up teaching them more than they will ever realize. Our little family had been united, and we were all there to celebrate the beginning of everything new.

We also use our Gotcha Day as a day to celebrate the heritage of our son’s birth country. Though we are not a multi-cultural family any more than we were before, we are now a multi-ethnic family and love to rejoice in that. So, we tend to try Bulgarian foods, and look at photos of our pick up trip. Though our son isn’t developmentally old enough to actively participate in celebrating where he comes from, we will always choose to cherish where he was born. 

But, Gotcha Days aren’t always roses and butterflies. For a child from trauma, especially one who is chronologically and/or developmentally older and can cognitively remember pieces of their past, a Gotchaversary may be one of heartache. To an adoptive family, Gotcha Day is full of smiles and photos. But, to the adopted child, it is often full of confusion, fear, and sadness. Everything they’ve ever known has been taken from them, and they are now with a family that most likely doesn’t look like them or speak the same language as they do. Gotcha Day can bring back those feelings of nervousness and fear, along with memories of neglect, abuse, mistreatment, etc. It can be a painful experience for a child who is still grieving their past. Even my son, who was too young and too mistreated to remember specifics, has his past intertwined into every minute of his day and even cried when eating Bulgarian food months after coming home. Trauma rewires the brain, and a Gotcha Day doesn’t wire it back.

So, whether you choose yes or no to a Gotcha Day celebration, always choose to celebrate family. Whether you go out on your Gotchaversary to an ethnic restaurant to celebrate your child’s history, or you go to a ballgame and eat a hotdog to be as American as possible, do it together. Gotcha Day is really just a day to celebrate love and family after all.

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1. First, decide as a family if you want to celebrate Gotcha Day. Not every adoptive family will celebrate it. So far, we celebrate it. But if there comes a point in our son’s life where he does not want to celebrate it anymore, we won’t. But also, decide if you are going to celebrate a birthday and Gotcha Day separately. In our household, we do. Our son’s birthday and Gotcha Day are roughly six months apart. But we do not celebrate them in the same way. His actual birthday, we celebrate with extended family and friends. But his Gotcha Day we celebrate together as a family of three. It is symbolic to our family as the day he officially became ours. It is intimate to us. It is special to the three of us.
2. Honor his/her birth parents or foster parents. Again, this may not be the case for everyone but in our family it is. We have a very open relationship with our son’s birth mom and make it a point to tell his birth story and the story about the day we went to court and officially adopted him. But we also make it a point to stop and thank his birth mom for giving us the opportunity to be his parents, because without her we wouldn’t be parents, and he wouldn’t be who is without her.
3. In the same fashion, if you adopted internationally or cross-culturally, celebrate your child’s heritage on Gotcha Day. Maybe there is some pain and loss in the actual Gotcha Day, pick a day (celebrate the same day every year) and celebrate their culture of origin. Maybe it is a trip to a new museum. Maybe it is a trip to a more diverse city. Maybe it is a trip to a different style restaurant, or maybe even making some of their traditional dishes. The point is, don’t let your child forget where she or he came from. You may have always wanted to adopt a child and you’re excited to have him/her in your home, just remember there is still a place of “loss” in your child’s heart. Be respectful of that. 
4. I have heard people call it “Family Day” or “Adoption Day” instead of Gotcha Day. Gotcha can seem offensive to some adoption situations, usually that of older adopted children. If your child was adopted later in life, the term “gotcha” seems as though we got you and someone else didn’t. It can be a hurtful reminder of what was lost in the adoption process, not necessarily a positive of what was gained. Keep it mindful of your child and those around you.
5. Remember that it is not about you as parents, but it is about the child. Make it about him/her. Tell your child’s story. Some stories do not come without pain. If it becomes too painful for your child to talk about and remember, don’t celebrate it anymore. If it has become an important celebration that he/she looks forward to every year, keep doing it. Talk to him/her about it. We as parents (unless you are adopted yourself) cannot understand what it feels like to be adopted, but we try our best. If that included celebrating Gotcha Day from the very beginning but it has gotten too difficult for the child, we have to let go of our ideas and embrace that our children are getting older and our ideas need to be adjusted.

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First, call it something other than Gotcha Day

It may be my own preference, but “Gotcha Day” is a phrase which I often associate with adopting a new pet. Many of my friends who have adopted have named this day something unique to their family, or when the child has gotten old enough, let them name their special day. My husband and I were so excited for our first Mother’s and Father’s days. So in our family, we felt that there should be a ‘Daughter’s Day’ to designate how special she is to us. The day our adoption was finalized in the courts is now ‘Daughter’s Day’ in our house. I have friends  who celebrate ‘Sunshine Day’ and others, ‘Family Day.’ I’ve also heard ‘Family Birthday’ and ‘Our Anniversary Day.’

Make a special tradition

Our daughter is three now, and ice cream is her favorite food on the planet. On Daughter’s Day, we get to have ice cream for dinner. She also gets to pick what we will do for the day. On the first anniversary, we went to the local children’s museum and played for hours. Last year, we attended a strawberry festival at our local farm, where she could have a hayride, pick strawberries, and pet animals.  

I have a friend who celebrates their special day by doing service in their community with their child in the name of the birth family, to honor them. Another family I know celebrates their day by going away for a night to a hotel with a pool (what little kid doesn’t love to swim?.). I have family that makes or goes out to dinner with their now 22-year-old daughter, watches family videos, and looks at pictures still to this day. Your celebration of this day doesn’t have to be something elaborate. The point is to make this tradition something special to your family that you can return to each year, and build upon as your child grows up and helps to shape the day. 

Let friends and family know

Whatever you decide to name your day, it’s special. This day is one that only families built by adoption have. I’ve found that letting your closest friends and family–your ‘village’–know about this special day and the choice to celebrate it, helps my daughter know that this is a part of her story; it’s important and real. Family and friends have sent cards, presents, or called to wish her a happy day. Their love and recognition on this day envelopes her in a deeper love.

Remember how it all started

Every family has a different relationship and story as it pertains to the birth family. Some families, for one reason or another, do not have an existing relationship with the birth family.  This is all about what makes each story so special and unique. No one experience is better than another. But on Daughter’s Day, I make sure to tell my daughter her story again. Holding her on my lap, I’m able to describe the flight out to the state she was born in, how she was born the very next morning, on her due date (!!) I love to watch her face as she listens to the sentimental and sometimes silly details of our journey. On Daughter’s Day, I like to sit with my daughter and thank her birth mother for the extremely difficult choice she made, and conversely, the immense blessing she bestowed upon us. I thank her and talk about her with my daughter. My daughter. Our daughter.

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1. Precious Cargo

A “Precious Cargo” theme is so adorable I could scream. While it does come off a little more international than domestic, I think you could spin it and make it work for your own story fairly easy. Including super cute suitcases and a ton of vintage elements, this party would be Pinterest ready in no time. Including globes, “baby’s breath” to represent a new addition to your family, maps, and the sweetest treats you can find will make a Gotcha Day party celebration one you would never forget.

2. It’s O-FISH-AL

Whether you celebrate the day you passed court or the day your domestic adoption is finalized, running with an “O-FISH-AL” party idea, it would be well worth the dive. A fish family would be the perfect party, incorporating orange and blue touches everywhere. It would be especially adorable if you adopted a little one—they love things that swim.

3. We Found the Missing Piece

We did a puzzle fundraiser for our own adoption, and I’m sure many of you did, too. If you did, this would be a perfect way to celebrate your Gotcha Day. Having puzzle piece details everywhere really helped tie in the goal of completing the puzzle you chose during your adoption journey. Displaying the puzzle at the party would be a perfect touch showing how many people prayed, loved, and helped bring your baby home.

4. Born in Our Hearts

Around adoption circles, the quote “Born not from our flesh, but born in our hearts; you were longed for and wanted and loved from the start” was most likely something that followed you throughout your journey. Having a “Born in Our Hearts” themed Gotcha Day celebration would be an adorable way to celebrate your new family being together forever. Plus, shopping for decorations would be easy if you were able to stock up around Valentine’s Day. 

5. We’re Wild About You

The theme would be especially perfect if you added your new child into an already large family. “We’re Wild About You” theme, with lots of zoos and animal details would make any child feel celebrated and adored. What a fun way to commemorate your big day as a family.

6. Country Celebration Day

If you want a way to keep your child’s birth country and culture alive, this could be a great way to incorporate that into your yearly celebrations, especially when you adopted an older child internationally, he may still feel very connected to his birthplace. Finding a local restaurant that cooks food from his birth country or even learning and cooking a recipe as a family could be a great way to celebrate together. Food often unites families, so why not use food as your celebratory agent that day, too?

7. Staycation Day

If everyone has busy lives, maybe your family’s perfect Gotcha Day celebration is a day at home, hanging out together. Cooking food, playing games, and watching movies all day together as a family may be your perfect way of celebrating the day you became a forever family. Big parties aren’t for every family, so a small “family party” day, where everyone stays at home, with their phones and computers off, and enjoys each other’s company, may be just what you needed.

Celebrating Gotcha Day isn’t for every family, but if you do choose to, it can be a super fun way to commemorate the day you became a forever family. Keep it fun, keep it light, and make sure good food is involved. Your family will surely love some of these ideas. Happy Gotcha Day!

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1. #Gotchaday

Picking out a Gotcha Day outfit can be quite the task, but AdoptionGifts.com has you covered. Not only is there a Gotcha Day onesie, but there is also a matching women’s t-shirt. The shirt and onesie state, “This Is The Best Day Of My Whole Life. #Gotchaday” What could be truer than that statement for both the child and adoptive parents? The t-shirt and onesie would also be fantastic for the Gotcha Day after-court-party if you prefer to do the court outfits a little more formal. These gifts are a great way to tell the world that the special day is today. 

2. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born

It is not as easy as one would think to find a book that does justice to a child’s adoption story and the emotion it carries. However, books are so important for children since they can explain adoption in a way that they can understand. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis does a fantastic job telling the story of infant adoption. When I read it to my 3-year-old daughter, it is so easy to change the circumstances in the book to fit her story exactly. It would be a great gift to add to a young child’s library to be read on their Gotcha Day each year. Be warned. I do find myself crying from the emotion of the book every time.

3. I Love Adoption Bracelet

This bracelet is one of my favorite gifts available at AdoptionGifts.com as it is incredibly simple, yet versatile. I purchased this for my husband as a gift, about seven months ago, and it is one of his favorite accessories. Not only can this bracelet be worn by men, women, and kids, it is also a conversation starter. My husband has had countless conversations with his co-workers about the importance and joys of adoption when he has worn his bracelet. It would be a great Gotcha Day gift for any adoptive parent, birth parent, or older child.

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